Work-Life-Balance

Is work-life-balance something, you are trying to accomplish or you are even missing in your life? Many people seem to be struggling with this. And this might be partly, because they are trying to balance their work with their life. Almost as if our work wasn’t a part of our life? Ever noticed this flaw in the term?

Why I think this even matters? Because it does. The way we describe things, is the way we are going to perceive them. So if I have to try and balance work with my life and work is not part of that life, it will always feel as if we were “losing” parts of our lives to work. And that really does not feel good, does it?

So maybe instead of looking for work-life-balance, we should look at balancing our priorities. With work usually being one of them. Family, friends, leisurely activities, rest, sports etc. being others. This simple shift in perspective, can be the first step to a little bit more peace of mind.

Some people live to work. Their struggle might rather be, how to balance priorities that keep them away from what matters most to them, their work. And others are purely working to live and can’t wait for a work day to have passed so that they can focus on the priorities they enjoy. Most of us are probably somewhere in between. While work is not necessarily our #1 priority, it’s also not just a necessary evil either.

Of course, everything is a priority nowadays, isn’t it? Probably even more so, in the current crisis situation where nothing is “normal” or at least as we know normal to be.

And of course, everything is equally important. But what does that mean for our balance? It means we are setting ourselves up for failure and we might even feel as if we are letting everyone around us down. Maybe we are. Because if we are making everyone and everything equally important, that’s how they will feel.

And since it is impossible for us, to also give them all the same level of attention (at least at the same time), we will naturally disappoint them. Let me correct this, what we are disappointing is the expectation, that we ourselves wrongfully generated in the first place.

Do I feel my life’s priorities are always well balanced? I wish the answer was yes. Especially since that means I had the whole balancing priorities thing figured out 100%. And that would likely mean, I would be rich by now.

However, whenever it is not 100% balanced, it’s because I am not having my priorities straight or am ignoring a need, that I should listen to and prioritize. Right now, that would be me actually needing vacation and time off from work to truly get rest and get my head clear. I am owning this. It’s not circumstances driving this and I am not the “victim of too much work”. I am just plainly not making the right decisions and I am fully aware. Ownership is important, when it comes to balancing priorities.

If you would like to learn more about my general thoughts on ownership, check out this previous blog post. https://mykindofsuccess.net/hero-heroine-or-victim-to-me-its-a-choice/

If we feel, everything that is happening or should be happening in our lives, has the same priority ALL THE TIME, we will quickly feel out of balance.

The good news is, you do not have to decide between your priorities in your life and which to favor. Let’s say your family is super important to you and you also like your job. You do NOT have to decide between the two. BUT you have to balance them and learn, which one to prioritize when. If you try to give both the same importance at all times, you will lose yourself. And likely not do any of these two justice. Let’s add a hobby like running, or Pilates or crafts etc. into the mix. And now what?

Do you think, in order to be successful in your job, you need to dedicate all your time and energy to your job? And working long hours and even being online all the time on the weekend is a display of your skills and ability to do your job? Think again!

Balance means, that if something takes higher priority (higher weight) something else has to give to balance it out. The first step to your priorities being in balance is acknowledging this fact.

If for example times are busy at work and a project needs to be closed / completed, a deck needs to be done on a short notice, your boss needs a calculation etc. (you get the idea) then it will probably be very difficult to win the “partner” or “father”, “mother” or “spouse” of the year award as well.

Trying to prepare a 5 course dinner, while working overtime; doing the homework with the kids while you are thinking about that budget calculation that needs to be done; running the errands to fill the fridge for the family while you know you should be finishing up these slides, would be pretty challenging.

So don’t! And most importantly, do not only not do it. You should not even EXPECT this from yourself. It would be unfair to yourself. And it would definitely not be good expectations management.

It’s not the overtime or the extra work. Or the sick child (or in my case puppy) that means balance does not work. It is purely EXPECTATIONS. First and foremost your own!

I know, everyone I would ask right now, would tell me “that is what my boss expects” or “the kids won’t understand” or “my spouse needs me to do this”. But do they?

I would actually bet, that if I would ask your boss, kids or spouse, they would have a surprisingly understanding and supportive answer. We just usually do not ask. Because – you know – EXPECTATIONS (the ones we have of ourselves).

When you allow these expectations to take the lead, you lose control. And you will start feeling overwhelmed. However, if a situation threatens to cause an imbalance, “control” and “owning this” is your life-line. It will make sure you are able to keep an OVERALL BALANCE.

How can you do this? What if your boss does not have a personal life and expects you (does he really? have you asked him / her?) to be available 24/7? Take control and negotiate.

“Boss, I understand you need me to finish this on a short notice and so I will of course work longer tonight. However I will have to come in later tomorrow morning so I can run the errands I can’t run tonight.”

Or

‘This needs to be done by Friday. I will be quickly done with this, as I have a framework already. I have to leave on time tonight to help the kids with their homework, but I will log-in afterwards and finish this up”.

Why would your boss agree to this? Why wouldn’t he/she? There is no disadvantage to it. You are simply balancing the priorities in your life. Many people shy away from these kind of negotiations, because of the expected reaction. Stick to the facts and what you really know and not your assumption. You have not asked for something like this before? How would you know, what the reaction will be?

You are worried that you will have to disappoint your kids / spouse because you might have to work longer and you promised a dine-out night? Word of advise, don’t make promises. Make lose plans and while doing so, please also plan an alternative date from the get go. That way you are making it clear, you will do all you can, but if your work gets too busy, you do already know, when it will happen instead. Again, expectations management.

You are loving your job and you prefer being at work over spending time with others including your family. But you are feeling guilty about enjoying this so you are telling yourselves work-life-balance is not possible and that’s why you are working more than you are spending time at home ? Own your love for your work and be honest with yourself! No one other than you owns the balance of your priorities. Or what your priorities are!

But also do not forget – rest and breaks are important too. They need to be a priority. And if you have family they might fight for being a priority as well. YOU decide! No one else does.

And if your family is as handsome as mine, they will be an important priority for you, anyways. And balancing should come naturally!