Hey, Stranger!

People that know me and work closely with me or are acquaintances or even friends will quickly agree that I am an extrovert. An outgoing person, definitely a little chatty at times. Being asked if I’d like to entertain a room, speak publicly etc. they would probably not hesitate and say “yes, definitely”.

They would be somewhat right…

And if you asked those same people about my ability to “network” / meet new people, they would probably tell you that I must be good at it as well. That I am good at making connections, that I can “win” people over.

That would be correct as well...And yet it would not be the whole story. There is a part to this, that not many people know.

I am an extrovert – once I made a connection. Before that happens? Not so much. Before there is a connection, when someone is a complete stranger, I hesitate making the first step or starting a conversation. Yes, me! I do not like talking to “strangers”. I do not like having to start a very first conversation. Not at all.

My husband knows this side of me all too well. Why, you should ask? Because he is the one that has to do much of the talking. Talking to neighbors in our neighborhood that I have not yet “warmed up” to, talking to store employees when I want to return something and so on.

So why is it, that my colleagues, friends and acquaitances – basically anyone but my husband – do not know much about this side? Because to my point above – I am good at making connections. It just takes a lot more effort than I will show. And that effort requires fuel.

My fuel is, I have to CARE.

Wait a minute, are you saying you are not caring for new neighbors or the store employee? I do and I don’t. I am much better at this in my professional life. And my professional life becomes often times very blurred with my personal life. AFTER I made a connection.

I am a lot more confident in my professional self…presented to you by “childhood bullying”.

This was quite a long introduction to my actual post. But I felt you guys needed to know this about me, to put some things into perspective.

What I would like to talk about is, why “caring” is a really, really helpful “tool” for all kinds of relationships. Surprisingly it is most efficient for Business relationships. The kind of relationships where people often times pride themselves, not to care if someone cares about them. Newsflash: They all do!

Just recently I was faced with a whole lot of “strangers”. I was tasked to manage the launch of a new program for American Express with a partner (vendor) I had not worked with before. A lot of connections to be made and relationships to be built. And to make things interesting – had it been my decision, they might not have been the (first) choice at all. So were we off to a bad start? No, no we were not! The opposite is the case…

Caring for people you surrounded yourself with or that you decided to work with, is one thing. Not always easy for sure. But genuinely caring for people, that you have not or would not have selected, is definitely a whole other story.

How am I doing it?

I am super curious. Always have been. As a child, I did not have any problems or concerns walking straight into our neighbors house (small village and no locked doors) to check out what they were up to. I just wanted to know and went for it. I guess I was a little bit nosy.

Nowadays I am not walking into neighbors houses anymore. I did however never grow out of my curiosity. And that is very helpful in building networks. It makes me want to learn more about other people. Always. Even the most difficult, challenging or “weird” (whatever that actually means) people.

If curiosity is used the right way, it already makes these people feel you care for them. If done wrong, it will either feel like a police interrogation (I am sure I am guilty of this, I wanted to be an FBI agent after all) or come across judgemental. So be curious but use it carefully.

Now just being curious is not building relationships for you. You need to remember, what you learned. I am a lucky girl, I have a nearly photographical memory. Which is a blessing and a curse (will dive into that at another time). The blessing part of it is, I recognize and memorize everything from rather unsignificant information to major events in others lives.

Your brain is not working like a memory stick? Maybe try the old fashioned way of taking notes…

If you are curious, learn information about others (personal & professional) and are able to memorize it, you are half way to building relationships and making connections. It is the beginning of “genuine care”.

This is how I became good at making connections even or especially with strangers. And it is also how I have been able to influence as a leader and a colleague much more than I had to “demand”.

Genuinely caring is the foundation of trust. And which role trust is playing in being a successful colleague, leader and client, that is something I definitely want to explore further at another time.