Let’s Take The High Road – It Really Isn’t As Busy

Have you ever received a clearly sneakily bitchy or even bullying email? Sneakily, because the sender is smart enough to disguise their actual intention. Did someone, who seems to have a less than innocent motive, provoke you? And is trying to discredit you and / or your reputation? Oh man, I am so sorry that is happening to you. I really am. Be honest, what was your first impulse or reaction? Did taking the high road come to your mind right away?

If so, wow you are likely close to a Saint or you are having a much higher level of self-control, than anyone I know.

I have been in such a situation. Just recently actually. For those of you following my posts, I have shared my “story” with someone whom I seem to not only meet twice in life, but literally over and over again. And none of those encounters have ever been pleasant. You can’t recall it? You can find more about meeting twice in life and my story with this person here.

It seems to be groundhog day and so, our paths are crossing yet again. Hurrah! And I would love to tell you that my first thought, when the the snarky emails started, was “oh good, some more growth opportunity”. But I am human and the first thoughts on my mind are not necessarily appropriate for me to share here. The high road experienced a temporary road closure. It must have been blocked off by something.

By what? Well, old scars and new hurt feelings, my ego, anger (a lot of it), anxiety and a pinch of annoyance. I told you, I am human. All of these feelings and the thoughts that come with them are absolutely human. And, as someone who has been bullied for most of their childhood and teenage years, probably also quite understandable. Of course a situation like this automatically triggers long lost memories. And that can be bad, but it can also actually be really good. Because as much as those old memories are adding to my sense of frustration and helplessness, they are also reminding me, that I already made it through much worse before. Unharmed, mostly.

The strengths coming from that special reminder is, what helped me clear the roadblock to my personal high road. And even though the road is still slightly rocky, I can safely drive on it and get to places quickly. One being the place where the situation and the person do not have any power over me or my feelings anymore.

That’s what taking the high road is all about. It’s not about giving in to a bully or a disrupter or someone who works with “sharp elbows”. By taking the high road, we are not letting anyone win. Other than us, of course. Taking that high road does not make us a coward either. It’s us smartly choosing our battles. And while someone should stop this kind of behavior, we can’t be that person, if we engage on the same level and are reacting with the same attitude.

All we are doing, when we start aligning our attitude with theirs, is giving them power over us. They made us do something we would usually not do or at least did not want to do. They are trying to provoke some kind of reaction and we are giving them exactly that. Not a good idea if we want to feel better anytime soon. Reacting based on our feelings means, we are not in control. No good decisions have been made in such a state of mind. And, as an outcome, we might actually provide extra ammunition to the person we are trying to disarm.

Let’s put away our weapons and pull out our gloves and cotton balls instead. Now, I won’t promise that “kill them with kindness” will actually stop anything or drive a change of heart. It’s rather likely that it won’t. But it will make us feel better about ourselves, as we have been able to control our attitude and reaction. We remain in charge and are not fueling them with our power and energy.

So, remember, when traveling the high road, there might be bumps in the road but at least there is a lot less traffic. Traveling on “their street” means driving in the wrong direction and a collision will be inevitable. As much as we might want to “hit them head on”, we will get hurt in the process as well. Not a price worth paying.

The high road has us keep our emotions in check. Doing so allows our brain to remain in charge and we can be smart about our moves. We can make sure that, while we do not engage in the invisible fight, we are still not taking any hits or damage either. How? Ally’s. It’s so much easier to rally ally’s around us, if we are not a revenge seeking victim, but a controlled and smart person looking for support. Do you agree?

I did exactly that and it seems to work for me. So, the high road it is for me. All the way and always. And that’s why also the next encounters I am going to have will still be awkward, but once again not because of me.

Nannette, what does high road actually mean? Let’s check with our friend, dictionary.com – you can find the definitions here.

Now, off to finishing my Christmas mail. I am seriously considering sending this person a Christmas card. Why? Why not!

Drive safely, my friends!

Take care,

Nannette