Good To Know What You Want, Really Powerful If You Know Why

Many of us have goals. Goals for our lives, goals for our careers, our families, our health and so on. We will likely not always accomplish all of them. And that’s ok. However we can dramatically increase our chances, if on top of knowing what, we also know our “why”. Because the “why” might be much more important. It definitely has been for me.

Imagine we are in a car about to drive somewhere important. Unfortunately our car just won’t start. No fuel. Bummer, as without fuel we likely won’t reach that important place we have to go to. And if our tank isn’t full, we might be able leave our drive way, but we might still not make it to that important place. Especially not if we face obstacles while on our trip and we suddenly have to take detours. Having the car is important. Knowing where we need to go, is too. But without enough fuel, we just won’t get there.

If you replaced the car in this little analogy with yourself and the important place with your goal, then you know what you want. And you know it’s about yourself. Now you just really need to know why, to have enough fuel to get to your goal. And your why needs to be the best and strongest fuel out there. Because the obstacles we are facing on our way to a goal, can be pretty energy consuming. And if they are, only strong fuel will keep you going. It really is important, to know your why.

I like to challenge people on their “why” and we usually come to realize, that their “why” can be achieved in many different ways and goals have changed. The why had taken over and made things more clear. That’s absolutely OK, maybe even a desired outcome.

I had the goal of losing weight almost my entire life. When I hit puberty far too early, I also became a “big girl” in the body of a curvy woman. And because of that and other circumstances, I was bullied most of my childhood and teenage years. I learned early to turn to food for comfort. And that’s all I knew for most of my life. Unfortunately comfort was not really what I got from this behavior. Instead I ended up on a rollercoaster weight loss journey that only ended 3 years ago when I lost weight for good and have been able to keep it off. What changed?

Instead of thinking about the amount of pounds I wanted to lose or the time in which I had to lose the weight, I thought about my why. We had gotten our super energetic puppy, several long walks a day were a must and I was simply to heavy to really enjoy this. On top of that, I also had experienced some vertigo episodes and my blood sugar was getting too close to “pre-diabetic” state for comfort.

Mind you I was that person, that would take the escalator for the tiniest distance. Of course I would avoid the stairs wherever I could and the couch and I had an almost symbiotic relationship. I still had tried several attempts at losing weight and I made some major mistakes in the process. I am sharing some details in this post about new year’s resolutions here. Check it out!

So I decided I had to start putting myself and my physical fitness and health first. Some health events had scared me and I realized, continuing the way I did, could ultimately lead to me losing a lot. Ultimately even my life. I had to know my why, first. So I thought about it. And first my mind defaulted to the clichés when it comes to weight loss. I wanted to be “thin”, fit into a small clothing size, look better etc.

None of these really got me excited. I wanted to lose weight and after I lost a pound or two, I also lost focus. Because losing weight with a certain amount of pounds in mind is tough. And an impatient person like myself really does not sustain with slow progress of a pound or two. The car ran out of fuel before I had hit the first detour.

I was desperate as I had avoided buying the right fit clothing size as it was one more size up and I felt embarrassed and ashamed. But at one point I just decided to make peace with it, find beautiful clothes in my actual size, throw away my leggings and start dressing nicely again.

I accepted myself the way I was and I accepted that this was the size I was having right now. Acknowledging this and accepting it, did not mean I would never be able to change it. It just would make me less desperate and a lot more in tune with myself. And bam. That was it. Right after that happened, I suddenly had the open mind to think about my actual why.

What if I was looking good the way I looked? Would I still want to lose weight and if so, why? And that’s when I realized “yes, I know why”. I want to grow old with my husband and soulmate and enjoy a more active life with our puppy. Ha! Who knew!

So my goal had shifted. I realized that wanting to lose weight is not a self-purpose. It’s just not a strong enough goal to make the drastic life style changes I had to make. It must be the means to a greater goal, an overarching “why”. It felt so good to know my why. I got started right away and signed up for weight watchers. And with every pound I lost, I became more comfortable with this more active life. Long walks? Yes please. Escalators? Nope, not for me anymore. I will walk. And I found ways to make this a sustainable new lifestyle as my why gave me the energy. Instead of pursuing a short term diet approach.

I lost the pounds and since I am doing weight watchers (WW), I had to enter a goal weight. Yes, I did eventually reach it slowly and steadily after a little less than a year. Had weight loss been my goal, I would have given up with such a slow progress. However my goal was to become healthy and more active and every pound lost made that so much easier for me, that it fueled me to continue. And the good thing is, I have maintained this weight for 3 years now, because with reaching my weight loss goal, I have not passed by my why. I actually never will.

My why continues to be growing old and live an active life with my family and since I won’t have reached that until I take my very last breathe, I will always continue to have enough fuel in my tank. Of course there are challenges to this, such as the pandemic, having to work from home all by yourself etc.. But I am more healthy and active and that really helped with that, too. Weight loss alone would probably not have had the same power.

This is one of my “importance of why” stories.

The same approach applies to my career life. Each year we have to update our career aspirations. I am a top performer and even won our Chairman’s award for the top 1% – 5% performers of the company last year. And yes, I am proud of that. It was the craziest, worst and best year of my career. So far.

However, awards or being rated as a top performer are usually very short lived (and subjective) and really not a great fuel to show up every day and give my best. I am pretty good at motivating myself and more than knowing what I want, I know my why. I love being a people leader in customer service. The people business of all people businesses. I am aspiring to continue to be an inspiring, caring leader who leads with integrity, trust, candor and rigor. My goal is to become a VP eventually so that I can do the things I love at a broader scale. But becoming a VP is not a self-purpose for me. Much like losing weight, it’s rather a means to the greater why I shared above.

So when my leader told me to put together my short term, mid term and long term career aspirations, I made sure I kept my “why” in focus. It means me taking a raincheck on VP positions that I could have been pushed into sooner, because they do not align well with my “why”.

I am at peace with where I am now. Yes, I want to become a VP but I don’t have to become a VP, to live my why right now. I can be an inspiring people leader who leads with integrity, trust, candor and rigor in my current position. I would even go so far to say, that I could live most of my why without being a manager at all. And that’s just because I have my own definition of leadership and authority. Check it out here, if you are interested.

For me it’s so much easier to focus on my goals, when I am not desperate to get there. When I lost my desperation about my actual weight and clothing size, I was so much more open minded. Which helped me see my why and the journey that would get me there more clearly.

I also was able to see our path to living and working in the US more clearly, when I had made peace with not yet being there. It was not easy to stay motivated but it worked out well, because I knew exactly, why. It was my husbands life long dream that had become mine, too. Know why! And what a powerful why it was. Love.

My personal experience taught me two important things:

1. To get where I want to be, I need to first acknowledge where (who) I am right now and make peace with that
2. Knowing my “why” is the fuel I need to get anywhere, no matter the obstacles or detours

I wish I had known this before, but no regrets. Thankfully I do now and it just makes life so much more relaxed. I can rely on these two whenever I have to. And should I ever become desperate about achieving something again, I only have to remind myself to first acknowledge where I am now and if I have not gotten there yet, my “why” fuel might just not be strong enough. And that just means, I do not really want it. Not yet, anyways.

And one more learning – goals can change, as can our why. We need to remain flexible and pro-actively review both from time to time to make sure, we are not running out of fuel. Or wasting fuel by driving in the wrong direction or worse, in circles. Unless the journey is the goal.

Enjoy the ride!

Nannette