Why Are So Many New Years Resolutions Failing?

The New Year is about to start. Finally. And I am sure we can all agree, a real new start is in order, once we made it through 2020. But trust me, this year is not yet over so I am not going to celebrate early. Just don’t want to jinx it any further. But I am wondering, are you usually making new years resolution(s)? And how has that been going for you? Do you know, why so many New Years resolutions are failing?

Disclaimer upfront: I do not know you. You might actually be super successful with your (New Years) resolutions. And if that’s the case, great! You might not learn anything new in what I am about to write. However, if you have made resolutions, or plans as some might rather call it, that have failed without you knowing why, maybe check-out my experience. It might kick off a new thought process. Which is what I am always aiming for.

Now honestly there is probably many different reasons, why resolutions or plans might fail. I won’t be able to capture all of them, but I am happy to share some I have experienced myself or have witnessed with others. And I will touch on personal resolutions as well as resolutions / plans for the career.

Losing weight is probably one of the most common personal New Years resolutions. It has been my plan with and without the New Year part for many years. Sometimes I lost more and sometimes I lost less weight. But I never kept it off for very long. So even if I did lose the weight, it was a “failed resolution” after all.

Here are a couple of reasons why:

• I made it about losing weight and not about the habits that actually led to the weight gains. I did not change those habits, I just “paused them” to lose the weight…
• Gave myself a number and a timeline for example 10lb less in 3 months etc. And once I missed that goal (which I always did), I got frustrated and did not have any “drive” to continue…
• Because I had failed with giving myself a number and a timeline, I did not define any goal other than “I want to lose weight”… and so my mind was satisfied when I did just that – I lost a little bit of weight and my “goal” was achieved and the drive to continue was gone…

But I ultimately lost ~60lb and kept it off for over 2 years now and counting. It was not the outcome of a New Years resolution though. It was the outcome of me realizing what I really wanted was to be healthier and fitter. Details about that journey can be found here.

I joined WW (Wellness Wins / Weight Watchers) as I realized I had to change my eating habits. The amount of food I was eating vs. the amount of food my body actually needed. And that required a mindset change and a lifestyle change. This resolution would only work, if it was sustainable, long term, actually for life. And if I did the actual change management as well. So for this plan of mine to work, here are some tips:

• Have a goal that does not limit you to a certain amount of time or i.e. pounds, but is concrete and clear enough, that you can picture yourself having achieved it
• Realize that this is not a short term commitment. Change takes time. The longer you have lived with the habits, the longer it will take to change them
• Plan for setbacks to happen and have a plan on how to continue. Especially weight loss is not a straight forward process. There will be bumps (hormones, water retention due to medication or salt intake etc.)
• Celebrate the small wins to stay motivated for the next steps

Your resolution is to exercise more? Why? None of my Business? Oh right, it’s absolutely not. However you should make that “why” your actual New Years resolution. Here some questions that this resolution creates for me:

• What is “more”? For some that means 3 times / per week for others it could be 1 time per week etc.
• Why exercise? Is it a self-purpose to be able to say you are “sporty” or exercising a lot? Probably not. But what is the actual goal then?

If you can’t answer these to your own satisfaction, your New Years resolutions might be failing. Quickly, I might add. Due to missing fuel (motivation, energy, accomplishments). Or too early feeling of satisfaction. Which believe it or not, is a problem, too.

There are many reasons to exercise. Some want to become stronger, others want to be more fit or improve their endurance. Whatever it is for you, make that your resolution instead. Try the following:

1. Picture yourself exercising more – what are you seeing? Is what you are seeing attractive enough to drive your efforts and investment of time?
2. Picture yourself stronger, fitter, having more endurance etc.. What are you seeing now? Is this picture more motivating / attractive than “exercising more”? I bet it is.

The resolution of exercising more can fail at least two ways. First you are exercising one more time than you usually did. For me that would be exercising at all. And bam – now you have achieved your resolution and things can get boring rather quickly. Your “why” is missing. Or you i.e. planned to exercise at least 3 times per week. But a new project at work just started leaving you with little time and a lot of exhaustion. You won’t be making your minimum of three times. So why bother at all? Right, since the magic 3 was the goal, you don’t have a motivator anymore.

If you are going for stronger or fitter instead, you will see improvements as soon as you get started and if you celebrate those, you create your own motivator and fuel. You won’t be satisfied too early and if you start slowly, you will have something to build upon without overwhelming yourself with a time limit or a deadline of sorts. People training for a marathon usually do not actually run the entire marathon distance in their training. They build their endurance and fitness but keep the goal intact.

Since I am going to share this on LinkedIn and some might ask, what is the connection to “Business” here, I will share a few examples there as well. However the strategy behind the failure or the success, if your glass is half full, will be strikingly similar.

I am a big fan of coaching and mentoring. I myself have a fantastic coach and would not want to miss the benefits she has brought to my personal and Business life for a second! Are you looking for a great coach? I highly recommend Tiffany Keeanan. Click here for her LinkedIn profile!

As a mentor I have been faced with many different plans or resolutions for my mentees careers. And first of all it’s always good to have a plan. And it’s even more important, to have a plan B as well. Life, projects, work, careers never go exactly as planned. If you are chasing titles and hierarchy levels, you might get disappointed and experience many “failing (New Years) resolutions”. If you are one to also making New Years resolutions for your career or overall business life.

Some plans are utterly vague and hence not at all or too easily achievable. For example wanting to be “more successful”. As with exercising more, how are you going to measure this? One more praising email from your leader? Might lead to a state of satisfaction too early and hence failing New Years resolutions. Or does it have to be the promotion to the next level? What if promotions have been put on hold or the next level you would be a fit for is still occupied?

More successful might be a goal if you are a pro-golfer and then it could be measured in winning the Championship. For all others, it’s far too vague to be pictured. How would it feel to be more successful, anyways? Right, tough to say.

I am mentoring a dear colleague, who was going for the exact opposite extreme. He gave himself the goal at the beginning of a year, that by fall that same year (I think I remember him talking about September / October) he had to have landed a job or been promoted to a job in the next “hierarchical level”. In our company we are working with so called Band levels. His was a Band 30 and by fall he wanted to be a B35 in his organization. I asked him a couple of questions, for both of us to better understand his actual goal.

• Why September / October?
• What B35 role and how would it feel to have achieved it? What would be different? The same?
• What happens, if by End of October this has not happened? Are you going to quit? Leave your organization? Be demotivated and start losing your drive to even do your current job well?

He felt ready to take on more responsibility and the September / October timing came from an unspoken rule in our company, that you should not stay in your role longer than 2 years or you might have to stay in it forever. And he did not have an answer of what exactly he would be doing, if his deadline would pass without his promotion having happened. But he did in this moment picture himself in that situation and it did not feel good.

What he actually wanted was more responsibility as he felt underwhelmed and of course ultimately move on in the organization. So I challenged him to seek the challenges that would stretch him more beyond his comfort zone instead of planning with a deadline. And I told him to celebrate successes on the way and make sure his extra contribution were known in the organization as well.

It took him 2 or 3 months longer than September / October, but due to his efforts of seeking and fulfilling challenges, he actually got to choose between 2 different B35 roles. We both agree had he kept his deadline and his vague “promotion to B35”, we would be talking about failing (New Years) resolutions. Instead we celebrated him having grown in his development and that leading to the natural next step.

You feel it’s time for a promotion and hence that is your New Years resolution? Ask yourself “why?”. How will it feel and look, once you have gotten that promotion? What is it, you would be doing differently, when you are in that new role?

Once you figured out the answers, especially to that last question, I highly recommend doing exactly that. Now. Without the promotion. You think with the promotion you will have more responsibility? Who is stopping you from taking on more responsibility now? You will have more cross department collaboration? Start collaborating now etc. . I made the experience that striving for challenges, additional responsibility, leadership etc. can be done without a promotion. Taking these on successfully, however, might just lead to one, naturally. If you do not forget the “self-marketing”, of course. You can find some tips, here.

Some might have the resolution to have / earn more money. And again, it’s a goal that can be easily achieved. To easy. I could give you a 1$ bill and you would have more money. Or as your boss I could raise your salary by let’s say 50$ annually. Now you would earn more money. But I am quite sure you are not going to be really satisfied with this. Because when you try to picture “having more money” it’s not going to be a very motivating picture. Unless you are Dagobert Duck and enjoying the occasional bath in your pool of money.

As with every other resolution, you need to figure out your drivers. The “why”. Is it an increase in financial security that you are looking for? Or are you into traveling and would like to be able to more easily afford this? Want to start a family and that could get expensive? Well whatever it is, be very clear with your “why” and then make different plans to get there. Sure, a salary raise can be part of the mix.

However make sure you are not relying entirely on this. What if you can’t get a raise right away? Are you quitting your job to achieve your goal? Well that can work. It can also lead to the exact opposite. But you could work towards a raise, start saving some money monthly that are spending for non-essential things etc. and make it a mix. That way it’s going to be much more sustainable. Because, if you get the raise but keep spending the money as it comes in, you won’t achieve your actual “why” either.

Our New Years plans or resolutions are failing, because we are setting ourselves up for failure. We are either utterly vague in our goal setting or far too detailed and concrete. Either way, if it’s tough to really see yourself having achieved the plan or resolution, it’s likely not going to work out.

So I am not recommending to not make any resolutions. I personally don’t think they have to be connected to the start of the New Year, as it’s usually a lot of pressure for a year that has just begun. For 2021 I am going to be fine with it being nothing like 2020. Oh and there will be plans or resolutions throughout the year.

My recipe for them to not be failing resolutions? If I am setting my mind on achieving them and as long as I can picture myself having achieved them, they are not going to be failing (New Years) resolutions. Works for me.

What’s your secret?

Happy New Year,

Nannette