Comparison…

…is the thief of joy. Would you agree with this statement, that we commonly attribute to President Theodore Roosevelt? What do you think he meant by it and what does it mean to you?

If it would be in our human nature, to compare ourselves and as a result see equality, comparison would probably not be such a bad thing. It is more likely though, that such comparison leads to a feeling of inferiority or superiority. Both not necessarily states of emotional health or stability.

But the temptation is lurking at every corner of our personal and professional lives. As children we might even have been conditioned to measure our successes purely by comparing ourselves with others. For example when we maybe started crawling, walking or talking earlier or later than other babies. Or when the neighbors’ kids were great at sports.

Rarely were we complimented, because we were able to do something, that we had not been able to do a month or week ago. So we did not learn to do exactly that. To compare ourselves to the person, we have been a week ago, a month ago, a year ago and see our own progress. Or the lack thereof.

When you are into competitive (sports), you are literally competing with others. And scores of some sorts are the measures of comparison here. I am pretty sure, if you are the winner of a competition, you are going to experience joy. Maybe even if you were second or third. So comparison is not a bad thing after all?

Well, yes and no. In competitive sports, during a competition, you are comparing yourself with others in one field and one field only. And many athletes will tell you, that competitiveness and the comparison with others can get out of hand and to a point, where they have not been enjoying what they were doing at all anymore. They then usually go back to focusing on their own progress for a while to change their perspective.

In our day to day personal and professional lives, it will be difficult to not find someone, that might be better at something we have to or want to do. Especially when we are just starting to do something, we haven’t done before. Comparing ourselves to others that are more proficient or faster etc., can easily discourage us. Take away the joy and with that the energy we need to be successful.

When I started doing WW (formerly known as Weight Watchers), I also started using their “social medial platform” Connect. There were so many stories about how people approached their weight loss and of course even more success stories. People would share that they lost 10 lbs each week. I lost 3-4 lb in the first weeks (mainly water weight) and then joined the “turtle” club losing only 0.5 lbs – 2 lbs per week.

Of course I compared myself to the ones, that lost so much more. But I made the mistake to not accurately compare us. Had I done that, I would have realized, that they started with a much higher weight. That usually leads to a much higher loss – in the beginning.

When the comparison took away my joy over my own weight loss success, I knew I had to change my approach. From that moment on, I only compared myself to myself a week, 2 weeks, a month ago etc. I must have put together hundreds of “before” and “after pictures” just like the below. And I am not naturally a fan of photos of myself. But in visualizing my own progress, I kept enjoying the process and in return maintained the energy to ultimately lose approx. 60 lb and keep it off for 2 years now.

And I am still creating these photo comparisons of myself. Because I am not losing weight anymore and in order to keep maintaining where I am, I need to keep reminding myself, how far I have come. There are people that weigh much less at the same height…

You want to grow personally or professionally? Compare yourself to where you have been yesterday. That is the only way to assess your own growth. Comparing yourself with others will just show you, where you stand compared to them. Not how much of your own potential you have realized. Nor how much more potential you might have. Both important data points to understand, how far you have come already and how much more you can grow. Realistically. Not compared to some genius that is maybe better in one area and a complete failure in another. It will show you, your own – drum roll – your own KIND OF SUCCESS.

Yes. Here it is. One of the things that I personally consider my kind of success. I promised I would talk about it eventually. Success in how far I have come in my personal and professional life. Compared to where I started. Compared to the expectations others, but most importantly I had of myself when I started this journey.

Sure I could be chasing titles and promotions and if I wanted to compare myself, I would see that many much younger colleagues have made it to a VP position by now. But how would that be relevant to me and my own progress or success? It would not. Not at all.

For me to have taken on and conquered many challenges in my professional life. That is success in my books and it is progress and growth. My progress and my growth. And even if others would maybe have done it better, faster or greater – my progress is still my progress. Nothing and no-one can take that away or deny it exists.

My career advise is hence – look for challenges to tackle and not for titles to take on. And take on challenges, that seem to be a little bit too big for where you are right now. That way you will always have something to grow into. You won’t be the expert right away. And there will be others better at it – until you’ve grown into it at your own pace.

In Corporate America (and around the globe), many companies are working with some kind of performance rating. And they are also usually working with “stack rankings” to compare employees with each other and assess their performance compared to someone else’s. To me that is always the toughest part of my job. Because I am usually seeing my colleagues for their unique skills and talents. And since everyone is met with different challenges and tasks, this to me is comparing apples and tomatoes. Both have the potential to make delicious dishes. However they usually do not compare well a,s they are not commonly used in the same dish the exact same way.

Well, my grandma would bite into a tomato as if she was eating a tomato so there is definitely an exception to that rule. But I am sure you get the point.

So as a people leader, who needs to follow the companies playbook, try to still avoid comparison, when providing feedback for growth. Instead highlight the progress you have observed. Or, as I said before, the lack thereof. Because that is going to be truly resonating with your colleague. If your feedback compares one colleague with another colleague, they will, rightfully so, find a lot of reasons why their performance would have been different. This is not going to lead anywhere. Other than to frustration, maybe.

Comparison is the thief of joy. But in some situations, comparison can be actually dangerous. That is, when you are not feeling “well” (sad, exhausted, grief, sick, depressed etc.) and you are starting to compare your situation to the situation of someone that obviously “has it so much worse”. We would then ridicule our own feelings, given that we are not in a similarly bad situation as a friend, colleague, acquaintance etc. Unfortunately there is always the potential, that someone is in a “worse” situation per our standards and norms. That does not mean, our feelings are not real and should be ignored. It is OK to not be OK. No matter how not OK someone else might be. See this article for more on this topic. https://mykindofsuccess.net/ok-to-not-be-ok/ or this LinkedIn post https://www.linkedin.com/posts/nannette-coerlin-07036a2b_its-ok-my-kind-of-success-activity-6687785480991371264-Po6r

Make sure, you take good care of yourself and don’t forget to celebrate your progress and growth. Small steps and little things matter! https://mykindofsuccess.net/little-things-matter/